OMG OMG OMG!! I CANT BELIEVE MY EARS AND EYES, FREAK FUCKING FUCKTARD!!

i wont tell you what happened. (: those who told me knows, i never tell anyone except my brother duh. COOL YALL~ lol, lmao, roflol... blah blah blah whatever you can think of goes along. YOU DIRTY DIRTBAG!! you wont even believe it if i told you what happened! (:

okay i write about darling's birthday outing.

17/11; the big day (:

shit i feel irritated writing this cause we quarrelled again. dammit.

27/11; we got together on 22/11/o5.

7 days after my last entry. i wouldnt change the date cause that is the day we broke up and everything changed so suddenly. maybe its because i met darling (xiao john) too fast and got together too fast. but i didnt regret cause i know what i want. how unfair is life? you always cant do it your way and get controlled by something or someone sometimes. it irritates me alot alot. i really hate life now. but i feel so much better after knowing he'll be by my side. forever? impossible? thats why life sucks.

my ezlink card and money got confiscated by momma cause i went out yesterday afternoon. i wanna see him so badly but i guess he aint free for me at all. i feel confused then, i thought he is what my friend told me, about him. it seem so true, am i too sensitive or isit what they expect to see? i tried so hard not to believe and i hope im right this time. just once and till the end. im afraid to lose him, so so so afraid but the nightmare seemed to be coming true already. isit my retribution for doing something bad to others? or is this what i deserve? i have no more words to further discribe my pain. let bygones be bygones. shit, what the hell am i talking about?

stayed at home for punishment. i wondered if he will ask me out with him if i could get out of the house. i wish he would. its so difficult to see what his thinking cause i heard and felt so many different thing about him. making me so confused, making me not knowing what to do anymore.

i want him too badly.

i'll update if i feel better.

;i am afraid